Happy new year! The prayer of examen is simply looking back to move forward with God. You might want to take some time this month to consider a few questions as we launch into the new year. I found these somewhere last year and engaged with them – I’m sorry that I didn’t note where that was!
Three questions to consider: 1. What have the storms of 2022 picked up and blown away for you? 2. How has 2022 anchored you more firmly? 3. What fresh roots have you discovered in the noise of this past season?
May you know joy and peace this Christmas. May you feel loved and known. May you find deep rest as you enter a season of celebration. And may you experience the invitation of the One who came to earth as a baby and now lives and dwells in those who follow him.
Happy Christmas!
Art from Celebrating Christmas: Embracing Joy through Art and Reflections by Amy Boucher Pye and Leo Boucher.
My first Christmas in England was marked with flashes of sadness as I missed being with my family in Minnesota. Although I was thrilled to be with my new husband, I wasn’t sure how this first Christmas apart from my loved ones across the Atlantic would be. When I made the expensive phone call, I felt even more gloom upon hearing their loving voices. I expressed my regret of not being with them at Christmas and my dad replied, ‘Amy, you longed to marry and now you have. It’s right that you’re there with Nicholas.’ He was wise and gentle, even if at that moment I struggled to listen.
Some years later, one Christmas morning I looked around the living room of a friend of a friend, wishing we were back in north London. Although our home there was decorated to the hilt, we were on England’s south coast because my husband was signed off from his work as a church minister. His mother’s death a couple of months before set off some family issues and brought about a stint of depression, meaning no shared Christmas with our church family. I felt like we were wandering in the wilderness, not knowing how long the mental-health issues will last or how the family stuff would work out.
Those two Christmases are the closest that I’ve experienced to having a ‘blue Christmas’. I’m aware, however, that the pain and heartache of others may be far more intense. For instance, your table might never again include that special someone sitting at it. Living in a world marred by sin, disease and death, we’ll all have a Christmas tinged with sadness at some point.
Some churches host a ‘longest night’ service (calling it that instead of ‘blue Christmas’ to get away from the associations with the Elvis Presley song), where people can celebrate Christmas without any forced jollity. Instead of having to bury their feelings of pain and anguish, they can express them to God through the reflective singing and prayers. Attending such a service doesn’t require a tragedy either; it can be an oasis of calm amid a too-busy time of parties, baking and gift exchanges.
God welcomes the cries of lament from his people; indeed, Jesus wept angry tears at the tomb of Lazarus. The time of Advent can actually help us to lament, because it reminds us to wait for the second coming of Christ, when God will come and relieve us of our pain: ‘“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’ (Revelation 21:4). Celebrating Christmas through tears can mean acknowledging that we hold the answer to our lament through the gift of Christ. Even as we wait for his coming again.
If you’re feeling low and broken this year, I pray you’ll find comfort and hope in the God who comes to brush away the tears from your eyes. As you release your pain to him, may you experience a deep sense of love, peace and even joy.
Loving Lord, how you must grieve at the pain we experience. Deal with us ever so mercifully and reveal your presence when we feel we’re lost or wandering. Bind up our wounds and give us the strength to worship as you renew our stores of hope. Amen.
This article is adapted from Celebrating Christmas: Embracing Joy through Art and Reflections by Amy Boucher Pye and Leo Boucher.
You can watch Amy on Sunday Night Live, talking about a Blue Christmas, starting at 9.35.
Books of 2022: Six endorsements for wonderful Christian books and six general-market recommendations. (Here are the round-ups from past years.)
I’ve read about 35 books this year, which is down by about 15 or 20 in a usual year. Two reasons for that – one is that after 16 years of running the Woman Alive Book club, I relinquished it to Claire Musters. Although I love reading widely, I realized that I needed to hand over the beloved book club to another host to guide it through the late teenaged years and beyond. My work as a writer, retreat leader, and spiritual director means that my focus is on areas of spiritual formation.
The second reason is that I’ve written two books this year (coming your way in 2023), and all of that writing has meant less time for reading. Something I aim to rectify next year!
I love reading fiction, and so I give you reviews of five novels that I loved. I’m not including my reviews that included lines such as these:
A sweet story if utterly predictable.
A light read that I picked up on a giveaway table at a supermarket.
6 Books I Endorsed
Christmas Changes Everything by Elisa Morgan
How can we, like the characters in the original nativity story, be changed by Christmas? With heart-warming and sometimes challenging stories, Elisa Morgan invites us to enter into the wonder of Christmas. We too can accept, yield, believe, wait, and rejoice—and be forever changed by our loving God. Don’t miss God’s life-changing invitation!
Brightest and Best: 31 Advent Devotions on Jesus by Philippa Wilson
Interweaving the wisdom and grace of her aptly termed Carolsville with the wonderous story of Jesus, Philippa Wilson in Brightest and Best sparks longing and love within us during the Advent and Christmas seasons. She welcomes us to share her deep love of the ‘little Lord Jesus’ – a mind-bending notion of the God who became Man. I commend it with joy.
God Isn’t Finished with You Yet by Catherine Campbell
Catherine opens up the world of the Bible in glorious shades and images as she brings alive the stories of six people. With grace and truth she shows how God didn’t give up on them – and how he doesn’t give up on us. I especially appreciate how she reaches our hearts through the narrative and our minds with her teaching. Read, ponder and savour this delightful, trustworthy and powerful book. You won’t regret it.
Streams in the Wasteland by Andrew Arndt
Andrew Arndt has made friends with the desert fathers and mothers, and he invites us to enjoy their friendship too. His winsome book reveals how their wisdom sheds light on the problems we face today. One to read, underline, ponder, and share.
Images of Grace by Amy Scott Robinson
A masterpiece in metaphor. In Images of Grace Amy opens the door for us to understand abstract concepts in concrete ways, ushering us into the presence of God. With engaging anecdotes and a winsome exploration of the biblical stories, she proves a helpful guide to not only sin and atonement but forgiveness and restoration. A book to return to again and again during Lent – I highly recommend it.
Prayer Starters by Suzie Eller
Struggling to find the words to chat with God? Suzie Eller’s Prayer Starters will give you ideas for ways to start up—and continue—this most life-affirming conversation. I especially appreciate the mini Bible studies. Enjoy!
6 General-Market Recommendations
I Am, I Am, I Am by Maggie O’Farrell
Utterly compelling memoir with the theme of near-life experiences. What, 17 of them? Hard to start reading a new chapter knowing her life would be threatened, even if I knew ultimately that she’d be all right – after all, she is alive. The last chapter on her daughter’s allergies was almost too much for me to read, as it chimed with me as an allergy parent. (But our kids’ experience isn’t anywhere on the level of hers.)
As always, her writing is exquisite. It gave me an insight into one of the characters in the book I read just before this one, Instructions for a Heatwave. As she detailed her experience of recovering from encephalitis, I thought of Aoife and how her extreme dyslexia meant she couldn’t read –and how she covered over her challenges in daily life.
One I might well read again.
Instructions for a Heatwave by Maggie O’Farrell
I loved this snapshot of life in Britain in 1976 during the heat wave – which was the heat wave to end all heat waves until we lived through the summer of 2022 (and following?). I read this book in a couple of sittings during the stifling heat, and her descriptions of the stultifying air were so apt.
The Riordan family is so compelling in each of the characters, although the father remains largely a mystery up to the end. I liked the varying first-person view throughout, and thought the novel ended on a hopeful note.
Simply wonderful.
Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant by Anne Tyler
A poignant look at a family abandoned by the husband/father and the lifelong effect on the relationships. Pearl, the mother, clearly isn’t an easy person to live with, and her three children each express their coping mechanisms in different ways. I found the way Cody, the eldest, treated his brother Ezra, sad and painful.
The title refers to the restaurant that Ezra runs, and his attempts to foster the family relations through enjoying a meal together – which always seem to end in some kind of argument.
A moving look at family life in all its messiness.
The Maid by Nita Prose
I really enjoyed this one. Celebrates a neurodivergent protagonist in a life-affirming way. Molly the maid lives to bring the rooms in the Regency Grand Hotel back to perfection. And she’s the maid who finds Mr Black “dead in his bed.” What follows is a delightful if at times heart-rending search for why he died, along with flashbacks from her past that shine a light on who she is today.
At times I could hardly bear to listen more, as I wanted to shield her from nefarious characters whom she trusted. In the end, a very satisfying story.
A friend called this Eleanor Oliphant meets Agatha Christie, and that’s not a bad summary.
Away with the Penguins by Hazel Prior
What a wonderful book. I’m glad more fiction features octogenarian protagonists. In her eighties, Veronica lives on the west coast of Scotland and one day her cleaner/helper unearths a locked box. With it Veronica descends into a lifetime of memories, which spur her into a journey of discovery – including a trip to Antarctica to visit the penguins.
I loved this story, with its themes of family, buried history, social class, poverty and wealth, climate change, and conservation. I did figure out a plotline before the ending, but it came about differently than I anticipated (but that’s only a minor quibble). Delightful and thought-provoking.
(I listened to it on Audible. The main narrator did a good job, but the female supporting narrator was a bit stilted at times, and it felt like she was reading a script.)
The Willoughby Close series by Kate Hewitt
Five books that I enjoyed. They manage to be light but deep, which doesn’t seem to make sense! I mean that in I easily got into the story, which felt like an escape to the English countryside, and each protagonist went through something deeply challenging and emotionally engaging.
Kate isn’t afraid to tackle tough issues but does so in a gracious way. Each book reveals a journey of change within the characters, which I appreciate. It’s also fun too to see characters from previous books – I like seeing their journey continued. I think that’s part of the reason why I keep buying the next book in the series.
I love the American holiday of Thanksgiving—a time set apart for family, friends, feasting, and turning our hearts toward gratitude. Living in the UK, we’ll host our gathering on Saturday, but we’re grateful to be able to go to the service at St. Paul’s Cathedral this morning to sing our praises to God and give him thanks in that glorious setting. How amazing to have this opportunity on a day that’s otherwise just a normal day in Britain.
I recently moaned in my newsletter how Black Friday is such a thing that we’ve imported here while not bringing in the wonderful holiday of Thanksgiving. Lots of my lovely community reminded me what I did know but had overlooked in the early-morning drafting of that missive—American Thanksgiving was modeled on the festival of Harvest. This holiday has been very important especially in rural communities, where farmers and people of all kinds come together in church to present their offerings of grain, fruit and other produce as a way to say thanks to God. You can read more about the origins of Thanksgiving in my first book, Finding Myself in Britain—an excerpt is here.
Wherever we are in the world, we can stop and give thanks. I suggested some ways to do so in my newsletter:
Set a timer for a couple of times a day and stop and give thanks for one or two things. Doing so will orient your outlook and help you feel more grateful; you’ll notice more good things as you go about your day.
Write a text, email, or good old-fashioned note expressing your thanks for someone. Be specific in naming how they’ve brought you joy or hope.
Go on a wonder walk, asking God to inspire you to be thankful. It helps if you can explore somewhere amazing, but even in a grimy city you’ll notice flashes of beauty—someone smiling, the note of birdsong, a flower or a snow-covered scene.
I pray you will find much to give thanks for!
[Art by Leo Boucher. Used with permission; all rights reserved.]
I’ve got such a treat for you with Alison’s wonderful ponderings about prayer and life and shifting an outlook through a simple practice. I’ve written about the way of praying that is the examen, but Alison’s pared-down approach is one that I could incorporate into my life. Her vivid descriptions will capture your imagination; enjoy!
Sitting down to pray has always been a struggle for me, the world full of so many distractions, but what I longed for was a deepening faith, to be able to be still with God and increase my ability to love one another, (especially the ones I don’t even like!). I knew it was only prayer that could help me, so I spent many years searching out a way for me to pray that might open and grow my heart.
For me prayer has become my opportunity to actively participate in the universe by communicating with God. I notice something and as a continual action pass it over to God, whom I trust will bear witness and hold whatever it is I’ve past on in prayer. Perhaps I’ve noticed that the sky looks unbelievably beautiful this morning and how it gives the perfect backdrop for the starlings with their synchronised swooping and diving of the autumnal murmuration. Or I notice a lady in a green scarf who limps in the supermarket queue and looks like she’s having a difficult day, though I truly have no idea. Or maybe I’m just wowed by the welcome I receive when I went attend to a new church. Small things, things that might seem inconsequential in the scale of the whole of the universe, a beautiful smile, a voice choked with tears, a friend’s snazzy new jumper, but everything, everything matters.
I’ve noticed that the more I take notice of the world around me, the more aware I am of what I am blind to. My biases and prejudices; my lack of knowledge and understanding of so much that limits my world view. And whilst this way of praying has illuminated my own inability to grasp and understand so much, paradoxically I feel myself actively being drawn deeper in my relationship to God and the universe. For me, praying this way feels like it’s embedded in my being and part of who I am; no longer is it just a twice daily activity.
It all started with the Examen; I say Examen, but with a simplistic adaption. At the time my life was already complicated, and I wanted – needed – to be able to commit to a method of pray that I could stick with. I discovered that early morning worked for me to sit alone with a lit candle, in a space where I could reflect on my previous day. I used three headings to guide my self-reflection:
Consolation; what was wonderful,
Desolation, what wasn’t wonderful,
What else I noticed.
For each heading I would write without hesitation the mundane, the wow, the bitter.
At the time life was particularly bitter and I really needed to hold onto God as a source of strength. I’d write in a journal, splurging out across the pages what I found to be mundane, wow or the disappointments of my previous day. I noticed how easily I found it to repeatedly rant on about the same old ‘stuff.’ And I began to see things that I take for granted: a loving supportive family, the therapeutic nature of sharing laughter, the astonishing emerald colour of the grass this morning scattered with blobs of shimmering diamond drops of dew. Lately I often find myself being irreverent to the questions; my pencil easily and eagerly covers several pages in a very short time.
Praying this way in all humility feels like I’m emptying myself out before God. The action of prayer seems to unearth hints and whispers of my true self. The bad crazy bits and so much else that I’d much rather edit out all get included in my prayers. And I’ve noticed that the more I pray this way, my self-acceptance of both my limitations and my gifts grows. There may yet be simmerings of peace.
As a way of praying, I’ve found it’s highly addictive!
Alison Robertsis a wife, mum, grandmother, priest, spiritual director, dog owner and general lover of wild colour, people and places, who especially loves swimming in the sea in North Devon.
Order 7 Ways to Pray here for more ways to encounter God.Sign up for Amy’s monthly newsletter, including a prayer practice.
I appreciate Kate’s statement that we can move forward as we look back. In fact, one of the 7 ways to pray in my book is the prayer of examen – just that! Kate encourages us to chart out our soul’s stories in writing as an act of prayerful remembrance. I hope you’ll consider doing so. I agree with her that writing is a powerful and creative act that God can bless us in and through.
‘Memory is the scribe of the soul’ (Aristotle).
There are many different ways to pray but one of the most ancient involves remembrance. Throughout the scripture, God’s people are told to look back and treasure their memories of how God has worked in the world on their behalf – in fact the exhortation to remember appears 130 times in the NIV translation of the Bible.
In his final sermon before entering the Promised Land, Moses recounted the extraordinary acts of God on behalf of the Israelites and told the people to ‘ask about the former days’ (Deut. 4:32), reminding them that ‘you were shown these things so that you might know that the Lord is God’ (Deut. 4.35).
God wants us to live in remembrance, which is why self-examination is central to our faith and the practice of prayer. The term ‘religion’ derives from the Latin word religio, which means careful consideration. A prayerful life is a considered life – one in which to look back and remember all that God has done for us.
Prayerful remembrance is particularly powerful when we are facing tough times. When in fear for his life, David prayed, ‘I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done’ (Ps. 143.5). God wants us to look back to see where he has been at work in our lives, how his unseen hand has guided our trajectory, lifting us up even in the darkest moments.
In the midst of the messiness and challenges of life it can sometimes be hard to understand God’s purpose, but as Jesus told his disciples, ‘You do not realise now what I am doing, but later you will understand’ (John 13:7).
The reality is that each of us has a ‘soul story’ – a unique story about the part of us that connects with and experiences God over our lives. This is a story that God wants us to understand because when we remember, we can begin to see our life narrative as a transformative adventure full of meaning and purpose. God wants us to look back in order to move forwards.
He also wants us to share our soul stories. Throughout the Bible God’s people are encouraged to tell of all that God has done for us, and that still applies today. Speaking of the way that God has worked in our lives is a profound prayer of gratitude.
This may sound a fairly daunting prospect but the Latin word vocare, which means to call, comes from the same root as vocalis, which means having or finding your voice. We are called to find our voice; to tell the story of how God has been at work in our lives to inspire and encourage others on their faith journey. This doesn’t mean we all have to be authors or evangelists – all God wants us to do is to share our experience of him with those around us and he will do the rest.
Kate Nicholas is an author, broadcaster and preacher. Her latest book is Soul’s Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story. Find out more about her books, blog and online course, Write Your Soul Story, at her website.
Order 7 Ways to Pray here for more ways to encounter God.Sign up for Amy’s monthly newsletter, including a prayer practice.
The Advent and Christmas seasons will be here in seemingly the blink of an eye! If you think the season will be busy for you, why not get yourself a copy or two of Celebrating Christmas, a gorgeous book of my dad’s art with my reflections? Its short readings and beautiful paintings pack a lot of goodness in a small space. Great for gift-giving too.
You can read the introduction and this first meditation in this sample, courtesy of BRF, my publisher. Here’s how to purchase.
I love hearing how God brings Scripture alive in the lives of his people, and appreciate Vicki sharing her experience of Bible journalling and how through it God revealed an area of lack in her life. I trust you too will find encouragement here. How could you journal with the Bible today?
My son and daughter, knowing how much I love reading God’s Word and journalling or writing about it, gave me a wonderful gift for my birthday this summer. It was a set of Illuminated Scripture Journals (the Gospels). Opposite each printed text page is a page with lightly printed dots which provides space to engage creatively with God’s Word.
These books have helped me slow down in my reading of scripture, meditate on it and write down my thoughts and prayers. They have really helped me to engage with scripture and connect with God as I hear him speak to me through his Word and as I respond to him.
Let me share one example with you from Mark 10:35-52. God very clearly drew my attention to Jesus’ response to James and John (his disciples) and to Blind Bartimaeus. He responded to both their requests with the same words. “What do you want me to do for you?” I had never noticed this before. His response is not a judgemental one, or annoyance of being interrupted, but one showing his care and compassion for them.
I had grown up in a family where money was always tight and as our resources were limited, I was always careful what I asked of my parents.
I hadn’t realised I had taken this same mentality into my relationship with God. I realised that day as I read scripture, I had been reticent to ask God for things just as I was reticent to ask of things from my parents. I realised I didn’t like to ask God for things for myself because I didn’t want to be selfish. I thought I should be praying for others, rather than for myself. My belief was that it was OK to ask for my needs to be met but not bother him with things I would like to have.
I had somehow overlooked the truth that God has unlimited resources and that he longs to bless us with everything that belongs to him. He is a good God and a loving Father who loves to give us good things.
That morning, he asked the same question of me, “Vicki, what do you want me to do for you?”
I was amazed by this; He was inviting me to ask him anything. I realised he was genuinely interested in what I would say and ask because he loves and cares for me.
I became aware through scripture reading and journalling that just as the crowd tried to silence the blind man from presenting his request to Jesus, that things in my life try to silence me from presenting my requests to Jesus. The truth is, Jesus wants to know what our desires and requests are, and when they align with his will for us, he delights in meeting our requests. Sometimes in ways which are far better than we could ever have dreamed or imagined.
The whole experience was very freeing for me. I enjoyed a precious time prayer journalling and having a relevant conversation with Jesus.
If you enjoy prayer journalling, then I highly recommend these books to you. As I have used them, I have found my quiet time and prayer time with God have been rejuvenated. Prayer journalling is changing the way I converse with God, and I love that I have a written record of our times of communion.
Vicki Cottingham is a blogger and self-published author and has written several devotional books. Her latest set of books are, “Pause in God’s Presence: Praying the Psalms Vol 1 & 2”. All her books are available from Amazon or directly from her. For more information on her and to read her devotional blogs and book reviews go to her website.
Order 7 Ways to Pray here for more ways to encounter God.Sign up for Amy’s monthly newsletter, including a prayer practice.
