Forgiveness Fridays: Letting Go by Mabel R. Nyazika

I love hearing stories of how God brings transformation and healing, and I so enjoy being able to share them as well. I met Mabel, the author of today’s story, at a day I led in a Methodist church on “Finding Ourselves in Christ.” Afterward, she told me how God helped her to forgive her husband, setting her free from bitterness:

Betrayal – the one thing that almost without fail breaks a person’s heart. That’s what happened to me.

I was in my mid-fifties with an established career and was happily married, with everything near perfect. I had a strong meaningful relationship with God, a fulfilling job in the church, and a life I had built with my husband – or so I thought.

When my marriage ended suddenly in Addis Ababa, my world collapsed. I had never anticipated that happening, so I had no plan B in my mind. I had married for life, because in my wedding vows I had committed myself to this other person until “death do us part.” I just assumed that my husband had as well, so when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted the marriage to end I was devastated.

What I found so hard was the unwillingness on my husband’s part to work at our marriage. I felt like something was going on but I couldn’t place my finger on what it was. What brought more heartbreak was his refusal to sit down and talk, for up until then we had been very good friends who enjoyed each other’s company. This time he could not bear being in the same room with me.

All this happened when we were living in a foreign country where I did not have the support networks I would have had in our native country. But I did have the support of the vicar who was the minister at the Anglican church where we worshipped. My husband wanted us to play happy families at church, pretending all was alright. For a while I played along with that hoping that perhaps he wanted to work things out. In the end I decided to confide in the vicar who waited for my husband to tell him what was happening in our marriage.

But he didn’t. Instead he told the vicar that we had decided that I should leave Ethiopia to go back home to be with his son, my step son. That was not true; I was going back because we were now divorcing.

I continued to pray and fast, hoping that somehow God would help us sort things out. The scripture I held on to was Malachi 2: 16 which says:

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife” (GNB).

Because my husband attended the Anglican church I honestly believed that he was reading and praying as he thought about the vows he made when we married. But ten months after he had sent me back home, I heard he had got married. I couldn’t understand how he could have met someone in that short time and married her.

Then it dawned on me that he must have been in a relationship with someone else while we were still married. I recalled some telephone calls in the middle of the night. When I inquired who this person was, he would tell me a story that I believed as I had no reason to be suspicious. That realisation made me feel betrayed as I had trusted him to be a faithful, God-fearing husband.

Forgiveness is something I have always struggled with despite being a Christian as I’ve read verses like Proverbs 17:9 which say: “If you want people to like you, forgive them when they wrong you. Remembering wrongs can break up a friendship.” I tend to hold on to the hurt. If it the hurt involves close family, I would cut communication with them to take my time navigating the difficult situations. Then later I get to the place where I can forgive.

But the end of my marriage has helped me to deal seriously with my unforgiving heart. As I struggled with my marriage breakdown I understood the line in the Lord’s prayer which I have said over again throughout my life which says: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”

The more I reflected on my not letting go of my husband’s betrayal, the more I realised I was robbing myself of experiencing God’s forgiveness. I let go of all my resentment and anger towards him and felt lighter and liberated. I felt free of a burden that was not worth carrying around with me. Despite his cheating, I knew that deep down in my heart I had sincere love for him as God’s creation. This love covered over all his offences. I kept on reminding myself to forgive him not only seven times, but seventy seven times, as reflected in Matthew 18:21-22.

Letting go of needing answers as to why my marriage ended freed me from being a victim. I sought healing of the wounds from God as I deepened and strengthened my relationship with him. As I accepted what happened to me, what was a catastrophe turned out to be a liberating learning curve – a  great experience of forgiveness and my ability to bask in God’s forgiveness for me.

Now as I move forward all, I want to do is to help others who may find themselves in the situation like the one I went through, which I now use as a stepping stone to greater things.

Mabel R. Nyazika is a Zimbabwean currently living in the United Kingdom and employed by Sale Methodist circuit as a lay worker. She worked for the Methodist Church in Zimbabwe for the best part of her life as a training co-ordinator. She holds a BA (HONS) and an MA in contextual theology.

Amy’s book The Living Cross explores forgiveness through a series of daily Bible readings for Lent. You can find out more about it, and how to purchase, here.