Amy Boucher Pye

Author: Amy Boucher Pye

  • Forgiveness Fridays: Letting Go by Mabel R. Nyazika

    I love hearing stories of how God brings transformation and healing, and I so enjoy being able to share them as well. I met Mabel, the author of today’s story, at a day I led in a Methodist church on “Finding Ourselves in Christ.” Afterward, she told me how God helped her to forgive her husband, setting her free from bitterness:

    Betrayal – the one thing that almost without fail breaks a person’s heart. That’s what happened to me.

    I was in my mid-fifties with an established career and was happily married, with everything near perfect. I had a strong meaningful relationship with God, a fulfilling job in the church, and a life I had built with my husband – or so I thought.

    When my marriage ended suddenly in Addis Ababa, my world collapsed. I had never anticipated that happening, so I had no plan B in my mind. I had married for life, because in my wedding vows I had committed myself to this other person until “death do us part.” I just assumed that my husband had as well, so when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted the marriage to end I was devastated.

    What I found so hard was the unwillingness on my husband’s part to work at our marriage. I felt like something was going on but I couldn’t place my finger on what it was. What brought more heartbreak was his refusal to sit down and talk, for up until then we had been very good friends who enjoyed each other’s company. This time he could not bear being in the same room with me.

    All this happened when we were living in a foreign country where I did not have the support networks I would have had in our native country. But I did have the support of the vicar who was the minister at the Anglican church where we worshipped. My husband wanted us to play happy families at church, pretending all was alright. For a while I played along with that hoping that perhaps he wanted to work things out. In the end I decided to confide in the vicar who waited for my husband to tell him what was happening in our marriage.

    But he didn’t. Instead he told the vicar that we had decided that I should leave Ethiopia to go back home to be with his son, my step son. That was not true; I was going back because we were now divorcing.

    I continued to pray and fast, hoping that somehow God would help us sort things out. The scripture I held on to was Malachi 2: 16 which says:

    “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife” (GNB).

    Because my husband attended the Anglican church I honestly believed that he was reading and praying as he thought about the vows he made when we married. But ten months after he had sent me back home, I heard he had got married. I couldn’t understand how he could have met someone in that short time and married her.

    Then it dawned on me that he must have been in a relationship with someone else while we were still married. I recalled some telephone calls in the middle of the night. When I inquired who this person was, he would tell me a story that I believed as I had no reason to be suspicious. That realisation made me feel betrayed as I had trusted him to be a faithful, God-fearing husband.

    Forgiveness is something I have always struggled with despite being a Christian as I’ve read verses like Proverbs 17:9 which say: “If you want people to like you, forgive them when they wrong you. Remembering wrongs can break up a friendship.” I tend to hold on to the hurt. If it the hurt involves close family, I would cut communication with them to take my time navigating the difficult situations. Then later I get to the place where I can forgive.

    But the end of my marriage has helped me to deal seriously with my unforgiving heart. As I struggled with my marriage breakdown I understood the line in the Lord’s prayer which I have said over again throughout my life which says: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”

    The more I reflected on my not letting go of my husband’s betrayal, the more I realised I was robbing myself of experiencing God’s forgiveness. I let go of all my resentment and anger towards him and felt lighter and liberated. I felt free of a burden that was not worth carrying around with me. Despite his cheating, I knew that deep down in my heart I had sincere love for him as God’s creation. This love covered over all his offences. I kept on reminding myself to forgive him not only seven times, but seventy seven times, as reflected in Matthew 18:21-22.

    Letting go of needing answers as to why my marriage ended freed me from being a victim. I sought healing of the wounds from God as I deepened and strengthened my relationship with him. As I accepted what happened to me, what was a catastrophe turned out to be a liberating learning curve – a  great experience of forgiveness and my ability to bask in God’s forgiveness for me.

    Now as I move forward all, I want to do is to help others who may find themselves in the situation like the one I went through, which I now use as a stepping stone to greater things.

    Mabel R. Nyazika is a Zimbabwean currently living in the United Kingdom and employed by Sale Methodist circuit as a lay worker. She worked for the Methodist Church in Zimbabwe for the best part of her life as a training co-ordinator. She holds a BA (HONS) and an MA in contextual theology.

    Amy’s book The Living Cross explores forgiveness through a series of daily Bible readings for Lent. You can find out more about it, and how to purchase, here.

  • Weekly Watercolor: The gift of an animal

    By Leo Boucher. Used with permission; all rights reserved.

    For the love of a horse…

    Today, why not ponder the amazing creatures God has given us to enjoy – horses, dogs, cats, and so many wild creatures. They can enrich our lives through their love and service.

    What’s your favorite animal?

  • Come encounter God with me!

    I’m really looking forward to going back to Lee Abbey Devon next year. Join me? (Sorry – women and girls only.)
     
    You can find more information on the March weekend here. The June one isn’t up yet.
     
    I can pretty much guarantee we won’t get snowed in for the June weekend, but I can make no such promises for March! (As last March I was there, along with 80 other women, an extra night because of the snow. What fun memories.)

  • Weekly devotional: Last testament (9 in Paul’s letters to Timothy series)

    I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith… For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. He has saved us and called us to a holy life… (2 Timothy 1:3–9, abridged)

    Paul opens his second letter to Timothy in a more gentle manner than he uses in his first. Many biblical commentators think that by the time he wrote this letter, the crisis with the false teachers had passed, which Paul addressed not only in 1 Timothy but in Titus. He probably wrote this letter four years after he wrote 1 Timothy, dictating his words while in chains during his second imprisonment in Rome, soon before his execution. These are therefore his last words to his beloved friend and one whom he mentored in the faith; one for whom he prays for “night and day” (v.3) and longs to see one last time.

    In 1 Timothy Paul emphasizes our part in working out our faith in practice, and in this letter he also highlights the role of God’s transforming power. For instance, Timothy should “fan into flame” the gifts that God has given him. Although Timothy may take the initial action, a power other than he brings about the result (as wind will stoke a fire, so the Lord will blow his Spirit into Timothy). The Spirit’s working will yield the gifts of power, love, and self-discipline as Timothy pursues a holy life.

    May the triune God fan into flame our faith.

    For Reflection: “Is not my word like fire,” declares the Lord, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?” (Jeremiah 23:29)

  • Five Minute Friday: What’s Your Potential?

    “She hasn’t reached her full potential.”

    Are there more damning words?

    As I think about potential, I find I’m reeling a bit from my team’s second loss of the season last night. The Minnesota Vikings were lauded as the ones to watch, the ones with all of the potential to win, but the reality doesn’t seem to be meeting those grand hopes. Their record of one win, two losses, and a dreaded tie leaves me uncertain.

    But more important than a football team’s status, what about the effect of those words spoken over us, either by friends or loved ones or observers? Someone’s negative assessment can leave us feeling deflated and unwilling to put ourselves out there again. We can begin to question whether we have anything to contribute.

    The antidote is not to listen to all of those voices, but to turn, again, to the Audience of One. When we hear His words of love and affirmation, we know that we are fully loved. Whispers of potential fade away when we know our worth is rooted in Him.

    I am taking part in the #fiveminutefriday community. To write your own and link up with the other writers, you can do so here.

  • Watercolor Wednesday: Pausing to breathe and wonder

    By Leo Boucher. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

    Pause for a moment and breathe. Imagine you’re on a calm lake, and the sun will soon set. Hints of the glorious colors the sky will morph into in moments appear, the pinks and reds beckoning. You inhale the sweet scent of calm, wanting to enjoy the moment, reveling in the wonder of God’s creation. You let your cares fall away, even if for just a short slice of time. You whisper a prayer of thanks, that God has given you this gift of being, of enjoying, of wonder.

  • Weekly devotional: Habits of the heart (8 in Paul’s letters to Timothy series)

    Rembrandt, public domain

    But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time – God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen (1 Timothy 6:11–16).

    As Paul brings his letter to conclusion, he warns Timothy not to act as the false teachers, but to “fight the good fight of the faith” (v12). Note his list of spiritual practices for Timothy to embrace – to flee ungodliness, pursue righteousness, take hold of eternal life, keep these commands. We are to live out the gift of life in the kingdom of God every day, employing our wills, minds, and bodies.

    Paul in his other letters often speaks of putting off the old self and embracing the new (see Ephesians 4:22–24, for example), again emphasizing this practice as an active one. Living in the fallen world as we do, and being subject to our sinful nature, we need to put on the new self daily. We may do so through such actions as confession and receiving forgiveness, asking for God’s help in making wise and godly choices, and filling our mind with his words.

    For we know, as Paul says, that our God is the only Ruler, King and Lord, he who is immortal and unapproachable, but he who makes the way clear for us to rest in his love.

    Prayer: Father God, help me shed any of my habits that are unhealthy, that I might live out of my redeemed self.

  • Five Minute Friday: Longing to be complete

    Photo: Oliver Tacke, flickr

    Is anything ever really finished, complete?

    We work on decreasing our bursting inbox, and even though we may reach that vaunted zero status, what happens? People start replying to those emails. In droves. Meaning we have even more emails to reply to. (When was the last time I reached zero status? I don’t rightly recall.)

    Or we get the house clean and decluttered. Dust removed, piles of papers sorted, toys put away, given away, thrown away. Then someone slops on the carpet or doesn’t clean up their toast crumbs, and boom, the house is messy again. (When was the last time the vicarage was fully clean? I don’t rightly recall.)

    Or, here’s a favorite, we get fully caught up on our admin. The taxes are done! The accounts fully up to date! Insurance of every kind has been renewed. Appointments for all sorts of anything have been made. (When was the last time we got all the admin done? I don’t rightly recall.)

    Life in all its pieces can feel overwhelming at times. I suppose I cram so much in, whether it be family times and travel, or work projects, that these life maintenance sorts of things can get easily edged out. Along with the fact that I don’t enjoy many of these tasks.

    A bigger issue is that on this side of heaven, life will never be complete. We’ll never reach perfection – there will always be something else to do. But our longings remind us of the perfection that awaits us when we join God in glory. When the taxes will no longer be an issue and everything will be clean and shiny.

    Until then, we experience moments of transcendence through the love of God with us moment by moment. And that is enough.

    I am taking part in the #fiveminutefriday community. To write your own and link up with the other writers, you can do so here.

  • Watercolor Wednesday: Embracing autumn

    By Leo Boucher. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

    Autumn can take me by surprise. Maybe part of that relates to us enjoying the school holidays and then returning to work and school routines with a bang. At least that’s how it was this year, with us going in quick succession over the summer to Minnesota, then a spell at home, and then Wales and Spain, returning the night before school started the next morning. We had reasons for the packed travel schedule, and I knew it would be good but taxing in its own way. And it was.

    So from hot and sunny Spain back to the UK with its days of sunshine morphing into wind and rain. A quick landing as we settled our youngest into her new secondary school, and then the surprise at the end of the first week hearing she’d been given a place at her favored secondary school and the ensuing change. The dust seems to be settling as the days begin to draw in.

    Autumn – and winter – will come, whether or not we’re ready. What do you need or want to do to welcome the season?

  • Weekly devotional: Enough (7 in Paul’s letters to Timothy series)

    But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6:6–10).

    Some ask, “How much is enough?” And another will answer, “Just the next deal/conquest/thing to buy.” For the human heart wants and yearns for fulfillment, and when we aren’t seeking God to fill those empty spaces, we’ll look to all sorts of other things to fill the void. Such as money to buy us stuff – for social status, ease of convenience, gratification.

    Note in the text that Paul says that the love of money can lead to evil – not that all money leads to evil, nor that money itself is evil. Rather he’s speaking about the state of people’s hearts, namely what are they desiring. As they plot and plan about acquiring the next best thing, they can find it increasingly difficult to resist temptation, which can lead to ruin. Paul, in contrast, counsels contentment with what we have. After all, we can’t take any of our stuff with us into the next life, and the Lord would have us seek his love, peace, and joy as true riches to share.

    I’ve met people who don’t have many material possessions and yet foster a stingy attitude, and I’ve met people with a lot of money who not only are generous, but don’t seem defined by their worldly wealth. As Paul says, it’s all down to the state of our hearts.

    Over to you. How much is enough?

    Prayer: Father God, we yearn for contentment; we yearn for you. By your Holy Spirit, fill the places in our souls that feel empty and void, that we might desire aright.