“Talking to God as a Friend” by Tasher Adaarewa: 7 Ways to Pray blog series

What an insightful post by Tasher about our need to listen at least as much as we talk when we pray, as inspired by his observations of his wife’s friendships. I hope you’ll read, enjoy, and put his advice into practice!

So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. (Exodus 33:11)

I never really understood prayer to be talking with God as if He is a friend—the kind you tell everything—until I observed my wife and her friends.

My wife, Jennifer, is on the phone every two or three weeks with Lindsay, her friend of almost three decades. She and Lindsay met on a serendipitous camping trip when she was nine. They wrote to each other every year from then on through college. They shared in each other’s lives through weddings, miscarriages, and the births of all six children. They talk about each child’s idiosyncrasies, eating preferences, the cute things that three-year-olds say and even the goals of their entrepreneurial husbands. Each call is a feast of excitement and ends because mothers must return to their children.

In my estimation, the hallmark of friendships like these is listening. I have yet to meet someone whose complaint was that their best friend listens too much. Many people, however, are known for their talking.

In fact, most of us talk at God.

We have been taught what to say and how to say things to God in prayer. We’ve even received formulae about how to order things, whether to quote scripture or not and the real meaning of praying in Jesus’ name. While these ways to pray have varying degrees of merit, they’ve often produced extravagant, eloquent talkers and deplorably poor listeners.

We turn up to prayer with our cries and complaints, scriptures and supplications, with our fears, needs, pleas, praise and thanksgiving. God is pleased because He wants to hear all of it. I’m guessing He’s also disappointed because as soon as we are done presenting that list, we move on to the next thing. God thus becomes that friend who never gets an opportunity to participate in the conversation. Imagine how the story would have gone if Moses had said, “Please, show me Your glory,” then went back to hearing the people’s complaints and judging between them.

Do we not do the same? Do we ask God for help or direction and then get back to whatever task is before us? After we empty ourselves of our cares, worries and burdens and then move on to the next thing, what will fill that space? Won’t it be more of the same? More overwhelm. More feelings of inadequacy. More pressure and increasingly feeling rushed. In Philippians, the Holy Spirit promises a peace that will have others, and you, wondering how you can be so calm and content given your circumstances. We are guaranteed to miss that blessing if we don’t take the time to let Him fill us up.

Jesus assured us that the Father knows that we need all “these things” (Matthew 6:32). Our approach to prayer, then, shouldn’t be as if we are talking to someone who doesn’t know what is going on in our lives. It should be more about creating space to hear what God has to say. God has an answer for whatever question and provisions for whatever the need.

While God always acts to provide for our needs, He desires that as the deer pants for the water, we thirst and long for Him. As He fills us with Himself, we come to know His presence. Then we feel His peace, strength, comfort and healing. 

Stillness is a prerequisite to knowing God and hearing from Him. (Psalm 46:10) Make time, after you finish talking, to be still. Cultivate the ability to discern God’s voice from the rest of the noise. (Amy addresses this in her book 7 Ways to Pray.) Enter into your prayer time intent on doing more listening than talking. Grab a journal and in that stillness, write down what you hear.

If we listen twice as much as we talk, we’ll find that God is always speaking and that He answers every prayer.

Tasher Adaarewa is an author (Decision Design) and entrepreneur. He provides coaching and consulting for Christian businesses to help them realize the vision God gave them. More of his work can be found at tactgroupinc.com

Order 7 Ways to Pray here for more ways to encounter God.