“The Gift of Forgiveness” by Sheila Holwell: 7 Ways to Pray blog series

I so appreciate hearing from readers when they share their stories of God working in their lives, and when a bit of my writing plays a part, I’m humbled and grateful! I loved reading Sheila’s story of forgiveness, spurred on by the Spirit. As you read, may you open your heart to that same Spirit, who might bring to mind someone you could forgive?

A meditation in Our Daily Journey, written by Amy Boucher Pye on the subject of forgiveness, got me thinking. At the conclusion we were led into considering whether there were any experiences in our lives where there was a need to forgive.

While I have been very conscious over the years of the need to forgive, and have experienced  the wonderful freedom it brings, as I read the meditation there suddenly flooded into my mind the memory of an incident more than thirty years ago in the church. I knew immediately that I had not really forgiven.

A new Curate came when I was involved with the Pathfinder Group of young teens. The mother of one of our members came to see us, concerned that, while she encouraged her children to be faithful to their commitments, she felt this was being challenged as the Curate had told her daughter to be trained as a Server, which meant leaving Pathfinders. As leaders of Pathfinders we weren’t told of this decision.

Several other incidents that happened without communication, so I went to the Curate and asked him to tell me what was going on. He looked me straight in the eye and said, 

“You are not a mainline Anglican and you don’t fit.”

I was so shocked that I did not respond, so I went to the Vicar and told him what had been said and his response was, 

“Well, it’s true.” 

Having made a point of being committed to the church over the years in every way possible, including broadening my churchmanship, I found their statements very hurtful.

These thirty years later, as I read the article in Our Daily Journey and realised that I had not forgiven the Curate, I laid the whole situation at the foot of the Cross. I knew that Jesus had been there with me at the time, and so I was finally able to forgive him, and pray for him, leaving it all with the Risen Christ.

Finally, to bring the seal of God’s redeeming love on it all I placed the whole situation (albeit thirty plus years later!) via a little written note, on the Altar, at a recent Eucharist.

Subsequent circumstances have made me realise, and has caused me to thank God, that it was that stage on my pilgrimage that was a contributory factor to where I am today. And soon after, there was a lovely reconciliation with the Vicar.

I am forgiven and able to forgive!

Sheila Holwell says: I grew up in North London where from the age of six I went to Crusaders where Evangelical Bible Teaching was tops and on which she I stand eighty years later!

After school I went to RAF Hendon doing office work, where I met the family of a Sergeant whose wife was dying. She requested that I witnessed her Baptism (in the Hospital bed), which was such a privilege. She died soon after. Eventually, but not without much heart searching and doubts, I responded to George’s (the widower) request to marry him. One day I took him and his son, Peter out in the car. Eight-year-old Peter from the back seat said “Well, when are you two going to get married then?” I nearly crashed the car!! Then I said “Oh, at least not until next year.” His immediate answer was, “Oh! I’ll die if I have to wait that long.” We didn’t let him die, and there followed wonderful experiences in Singapore and Libya as well as the UK.

Then followed a period in Oxfordshire where both George and I became Readers (LLMs) with a final move to S. Devon where George went to Glory. George did have very bad fits of depression which marred the first 25 years of our marriage, but the Lord was there and George had a wonderful healing, which is another story.

Order 7 Ways to Pray here for more ways to encounter God. And have a look for The Living Cross, which is a through-the-Bible engagement with the topic of forgiveness.