Amy Boucher Pye

Tag: transitions

  • Where I am finding myself these days by Amy Young

    No Place Like HomeAs you can see in these photos, Amy Young brings rays of sunshine where she goes – I love her smile and joie de vivre. I met her online and count her as a lovely friend who brings encouragement and fun. She and I share a love of NFL football, and she’s the kind of fan who makes you even like (or at least respect) her team with her gracious advocacy. I love her book Looming Transitions, which fills a deep need for those facing times of change. Join her in asking, where are you finding yourself?

    Granted, the first leg of my trip back to China had experienced a three-hour delay and I thought I might miss my international plane. But the strong sensation I had as I sank into my seat couldn’t completely be attributed from the adrenaline pulsing through my veins after I’d run through the airport.

    I was a hot mess internally. FOMO (Fear of missing out) while I was in China combined with knowing China was no longer my home left me with this clear thought: Metaphorically, I am always on a plane, by myself, stuck between worlds.

    When I say it was a strong feeling, I mean, a huge bouncer in a bar could not have given me a stronger sucker punch.

    I was almost two and a half years in my reentry. Will it ever end?!

    One of my great joys was that most of my family got to visit me in China. My sister and nieces and I are in one of the old lanes of Beijing.
    One of my great joys was that most of my family got to visit me in China. My sister and nieces and I are in one of the old lanes of Beijing.

    This is why I love Amy’s title Finding Myself in Britain so much. Isn’t the truth that we are all finding ourselves in our lives? In light of writing to you, I thought about my life now and wondered where am I finding myself right now?

    I am finding myself in America. Even though I have been back for more than two-and-a-half years, this finding process is just that: a process. Parts I absolutely love! I am a huge Denver Broncos fan and the two other times they successfully won the Super Bowl I was in Thailand surrounded by people not from Denver and watching Thai fruit drink commercials. I have LOVED being among my orange people. Other parts of this finding are awkward. I’m navigating waters in my late 40s that others navigate in the 20s. I know how to be an adult in China, I’m learning in the US.

    One of the mixed joys of the last two years, in the wake of my dad’s death, is that I have gotten to take each of his grandchildren, one by one, to a game and show them where Grandpa sat and introduce them to this piece of our family history. Chloe is wearing her mom’s shirt form childhood and I am wearing my shirt from when we went to the first superbowl :)
    One of the mixed joys of the last two years, in the wake of my dad’s death, is that I have gotten to take each of his grandchildren, one by one, to a game and show them where Grandpa sat and introduce them to this piece of our family history. Chloe is wearing her mom’s shirt form childhood and I am wearing my shirt from when we went to the first superbowl 🙂
    Taken right before the Superbowl this year . . . with my orange people!
    Taken right before the Superbowl this year . . . with my orange people!

    I’m finding myself in a job that doesn’t have a tidy title. I’ve always had jobs that came with a title: teacher, English teacher, University Teaching Program Director, Member Care Director. Even if someone didn’t really know what I did, the fact that it had a short, concise, understandable title sufficed. I currently work for an online community of Christian women who live and serve overseas. I love my job, but at least twice a month a friend sends me information about a job . . . since I don’t have one . . . that makes sense to others. So, I’m finding my identity in other areas than an easily understandable job.

    looming-transitions_coverI’m finding myself in the editing process. Over the last year I have worked with my amazing editor Deb as we got my book ready for publication. I had no idea that an editor could be an advocate and was scared of the process. Opening up what you have been working on for years and have someone else point out the flaws or the confusing parts? Risky! But Deb showed me that she got the vision of this book and that through editing and rewriting, it could be what it has become. The editing process helped me see the Holy Spirit as my life editor. If he can do in my life what Deb have done in my writing, I have hope for us all!

    I’m finding myself in my book being published. The parallels with parenting abound, so I’m going to be careful and not start gushing. I’m at the stage where the book has been released into the world, so others can have their own opinions of it. Of course, I delight when someone contacts me and says how very helpful it has been, how it met them right where they had a great need, how very much they appreciate the time I took to write it. I have to find myself apart from my book. Because there are also those who have said, “Um why did you put THAT in there?” I am proud of my book, I am happy to share with you about the content and the process, but I am not my book.

    I am finding myself in a complex relationship with the church. Because it is complex, it is too much to go into detail here. But I can say this much, it is disorienting to have a part of life that had been relatively easy and a good fit, feel like the wrong size shirt. I can’t tell what needs to change. Do I need to lose or gain weight? Does the size of the shirt need to change? I don’t know and I’m not particularly enjoying finding myself in this part of my life.

    I’m also finding myself in… gardening. Finding myself in grief. Finding myself in driving. Finding myself in training my eye to look for beauty, and finding myself in the Church year. How about you? Where are you finding yourself these days? What parts are you enjoy? What parts are a bit uncomfortable?

    Amy YoungAmy Young is an avid Denver Broncos fan and knows what it’s like to try and find yourself a friend to watch sports with you when you live abroad; so she took a picture for Amy BP when the Minnesota Vikings came to town. A sister’s gotta help a sister out! You can read more of her work at The Messy Middle and by signing up for her newsletter receive a free PDF chalk full of Tools for Navigating the Messy Middle of Life. She recently published Looming Transitions for those 4-6 months before a big transition to or from living abroad.

  • Finding Ourselves Through Change – Children and Schools

    Trigger warning – a post about children and transitions.

    Photo: David Schott, flickr
    Photo: David Schott, flickr

    Today is PyelotBoy’s last day of primary school. When I think back to me changing from elementary school to junior high, my memories are fuzzy. I know I was nervous about moving from class to class throughout the day instead of staying in one familiar classroom, but I had the comfort of nearly all of my classmates moving to the same school (the now defunct Capitol View in St. Paul, Minnesota).

    Whereas for PyelotBoy, the move to secondary school seems massive. Although half of his classmates are going to the same school, they morph from 60 in their year group to 180. And unlike in the States where we have middle school or junior high, and then high school, for many here, their secondary school will be their home until university.

    I only started to realize the import of finding the right secondary school as my kids got older and I’d hear the buzz on that day when secondary schools announce who gets their places each year. (The school where PyelotBoy is going had 1100 applications for 180 places.) Then it was our turn to traipse between open evenings and tutoring sessions and entrance exams. We’re pleased with the school he’ll be going to – another attached to the Church of England – but as we experience the leaving events for him at his primary school, I ponder the meaning of leaving.

    I know the job of a parent is to release our children to the big and often scary world, teaching them to cope and hopefully thrive as we keep on letting them go. But it’s difficult. And the emotion can come through the individual moments, such as letting them travel to school on their own or allowing them more electronic devices. We know this is our mission, but sometimes we just want to freeze time.

    Parents face these moments of their kids growing up continually. A friend on a social-media site mentioned how hard the transition to a bigger car seat was for her, for it signaled her baby growing up. For another it was when her child moved to a child-facing-front stroller. For me, I remember the strong feelings of loss when I realized that my son was hearing things at school that I had no control over. Or the poignant feelings that arise when I listen to recordings we made with the children years ago, when their voices sound so strikingly different.

    So to the adage carpe diem – seize the day – I would add treasure the moments. We can’t freeze time, but we can be present, giving thanks for the gifts we receive, whether it’s our own children or grandchildren or those whom we are close to in the community.

    Any pointers or stories on how you’ve handled big transitions in your life, or the life of your children?