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Tag: Claire Musters

‘Lament as a Means of Survival’ by Claire Musters: 7 Ways to Pray blog series

The experience of heart-wrenching trials has pushed Claire even closer to God, especially as she has rediscovered the prayer of lament. She shares movingly and gives a helpful example of how to pray this way, based on Psalm 13. You won’t want to miss this.

Guttural cries of ‘Why Lord?’, heart-wrenching pain, endless tears, physical exhaustion.

These are all a regular part of my days right now, as I watch one of those dearest to me struggle in ways I almost cannot bear. Suffering (whether your own or of one close to you) can rend you speechless, spiralling into the abyss of a dark unknown, even as you cry out to God for rescue, for a glimmer of hope… for anything that shows he is at work.

Unfamiliar territory

I have to confess lament was not something I practised regularly until around five years ago. I come from an evangelical church that is not big on tradition, and does not follow a traditional church calendar. But it was when my sister’s marriage fell apart and my mum’s health began to deteriorate rapidly that the emotional turmoil inside of me needed an outlet. In the midst of this, a dear young mum in our church died, leaving a husband and three small children. All of a sudden I was grieving privately in my family but also publicly with my church family. As my husband and I tried to lead our congregation through it (he as the pastor, me the worship pastor) I felt suffocated, alone and with no way of releasing the pain within. When I gathered the worship team who would be playing that first Sunday after her death, I realised that we had no language to express what we needed to as a community, but also as individuals.

A God-given language

During that season, I was drawn back to the Psalms, gently reminded by God that so many are songs of lament, and that I had utilised them once before. In an incredibly painful time in my marriage, I had opened Psalm 38 and the words had leapt off the page to me, as they seemed to describe exactly what I was experiencing then: ‘My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning… I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart’ (Psalm 38:5–6,8).

Back then, it was a revelation of my own sinfulness and the resulting pain that caused me to lament. But in more recent years, it has been a cry from deep in my soul that has been almost unstoppable. It has become a way I have desperately tried to remain connected to God through circumstances that have threatened to engulf me or those I dearly love. Some days it can sometimes feel like all hope is lost – and yet lament is the bridge that helps me find my way back to God when he seems distant or hidden.

I don’t relish the experiences that have revealed how vital lament is to me, but I do cherish the renewed understanding that God has given us permission to vent all our anger, frustration, anguish, as well as our questions, through the examples in the Psalms and Lamentations – as well as of Jesus himself.

Faith and intimacy

I am walking a particularly painful path right now – and it has seemed relentless for the last few years. My mum passed away just before Covid, and almost immediately we were swept into working hard to keep our church community feel connected during the lockdowns, and now we are in the midst of an excruciatingly painful situation in our immediate family.

When my mum died, God spoke to me so clearly through John 11 – revealing an image of Jesus weeping alongside me. That has been a real comfort at times, but in other moments the sense of loss and pain has been overwhelming. In those times, I have come to view lament as part of my survival kit – an absolutely necessity to stop me from going under.

Lamenting with the Psalms

The pandemic has brought suffering to so many families, and this life is full of troubles (as well as joys). If you don’t regularly practise lament, I encourage you gently to try finding a psalm that seems to echo the cry of your heart and turn it into a prayer.

Here is an example of the way in which I use particular psalms as launchpads for my own prayers – I hope it is helpful to you, but of course do feel free to find your own individual way of lamenting before God.

Psalm 13, with my accompanying prayers:

¹How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?

God I can’t see you at work in this situation. It feels like I am having to cope on my own. I know you are there – please reveal yourself to me. Show me you haven’t forgotten us.

²How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

This all feels relentless, and it does feel like the devil is having a field day. I am finding it hard to keep batting away the discouragement, and my own depression. How long is this going to go on for Lord?

³Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

We need you to move – we need release! Come and act, move so that those around will know that you are God. And bring me your discernment and wisdom to know what to do – and your energy. I am so tired Lord…

⁵But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

I do trust you Lord, however hard that is to say at times – and I do know that you are good and that your character cannot change. I also choose to worship you, singing songs of thanks, because I know they stir my heart and do me good. Thank you for the salvation you have brought me, thank you for the way you have led me in the past – and thank you for the way you have upheld my family. I know that you love them more than I do – and trust that you have a hope and a future for each one of us.

Claire Musters is a writer, speaker, editor and author of several books. You can follow her at @CMusters on Twitter and on Facebook or visit her website. Her most recent book, Grace-Filled Marriage (Authentic Media), was written with her husband and is available to buy from clairemusters.com – it is also part of the Big Church Read initiative (see thebigchurchread.co.uk/grace-filled-marriage/ for videos, reading plan and discussion questions). The devotional she wrote while her mum was dying, Every Day Insights: Disappointment and loss (30 readings and reflections to help bring comfort and hope), can also be bought direct from Claire, as can all her books – contact Claire on cmusters@Icloud.com for more details (including special Christmas offers).

Order 7 Ways to Pray here, including in the US, UK, and Australia. You’ll also find lots of resources for small groups – videos and a leader’s guide – here.

December 3, 2021
Forgiveness Fridays: A tangible example of the forgiveness of Jesus by Claire Musters

When I think of Claire Musters, whom I’ve known for several years professionally and personally, I think of her smile. Never could I have imagined her story from nearly two decades ago. (You’ll see what I mean when you read on below.) That I don’t count her as “damaged goods” reveals to me the nature of God’s forgiveness. When he forgives, our slates are wiped clean. Alleluia!

Our lives were shattered – lying about in little pieces on the floor. And the worst thing was that it was pretty much all down to me. I had chosen to believe the lies, especially the one that whispered that my husband didn’t care about me. I believed it because he worked around the clock in a recording studio and there was little left of him when he was at home. I believed it because my heart was hurting and I was lonely…

Vulnerable and foolish

As a woman who had grown up with self-esteem issues, I didn’t deal well with feeling abandoned. When I came before God with my feelings that I didn’t matter to my husband, His answer was that He wanted to take care of me and show me how to lean on Him completely. But I threw it back in His face. I needed someone who could hug me – and God just didn’t seem physical enough at the time.

But this put me in danger of allowing my emotional needs to be fed by other sources. Eventually, a friendship with another man in my church, which had started innocently enough, resulted with us deciding to leave everything behind and to start a new life together. With our actions we devastated the lives of my husband, the man’s wife and all the other members of our close-knit church community.

Lost

Two weeks later he chose to go back to his wife. I was left reeling, feeling totally deserted – but also knowing I deserved it all. Tellingly, it was my husband whom I rang once the other guy left. After all, my husband had been my best friend since I was a teenager so it seemed natural and I called him without thinking. How hard it must have been for him to take me back home, watch me huddled in the foetal position, sobbing endlessly. The next day he moved me, and a lot of my belongings, to my parents’ home where I was to stay until I had healed enough to discover what was next for my life.

I had lost everything by wrongfully pinning my hopes on another human being rather than God. And I was like a wounded animal at times – licking my wounds, lashing out, wanting to be left alone. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for my husband going home, getting up for work each day and not knowing whether our marriage was salvageable.

Of course, we had deep issues that needed dealing with within our marriage. But I had to get to a place, first, of believing there was a future there. That I could look past all the years of hurt and misunderstanding and repent as well as forgive, and move on.

A taste of real love

When my husband visited me, at times I felt a little suffocated, as I knew he was trying his best to win me back. But, most of the time, he was gracious, gentle and loving, knowing also when to give me space. How he responded to me during that horrific time of limbo taught me what real love is. He showed me Jesus’ love for me in a very tangible way.

I had used him terribly – basically turned my back on him – and all our friends knew about it. And yet he was there, whenever I felt I could see him, a solid anchor who remained firm. He showed me that, even though I had done the worst thing I could to him, his love for me hadn’t faltered. He proved, over and over again, that he wanted our marriage to work.

Yes, we had counselling. And yes, we both had to face up to our failings, to understand the responsibility we had for one another and the changes that needed to occur. But his gentle patience during that time melted my hardened, broken heart. Even after I was back home, there would be moments when I would be wracked with emotional pain all over again and he would just hold me, caring for me through the tears.

Salvation through sacrifice

I know it must have been so, so excruciatingly difficult for him, and he certainly laid down his life for me. He also spoke to his bosses about what was going on, and the result was a miracle: studios always work around the clock but they agreed to put into practise the unheard of rule that the studio my husband ran would close by 8pm. Yes, his sacrifice saved our marriage – and revealed another layer of God’s love to me in such a powerful way.

Although this period of time was more than 16 years ago now, I can’t help but think of my husband’s loving sacrifice anytime I ponder the concept of forgiveness. You can read more of our story, and the passion for authentic openness that it birthed inside of me, in my forthcoming book: Taking off the mask: learning to live authentically.

Claire Musters is an author, speaker and editor, mum to two gorgeous children, pastor’s wife, worship leader and school governor. Claire’s desire is to help others draw closer to God through her writing, which focuses on authenticity, marriage, parenting, worship, discipleship, issues facing women today etc. Her books include Taking your Spiritual Pulse, CWR’s Insight Into Managing Conflict and Insight Into Self-acceptance, Cover to Cover: David A man after God’s own heart and BRF Foundations21 study guides on Prayer and Jesus. She also writes Bible study notes, and her next co-written book, Insight Into Burnout, is due out in February. She is also working on her own book: Taking off the mask: learning to live authentically. This was borne out of the experience that she describes above. To find out more about her, please visit www.clairemusters.com and @CMusters on Twitter.

Amy’s book The Living Cross explores forgiveness through a series of daily Bible readings for Lent. You can find out more about it, and how to purchase, here.

January 27, 2017
Home: Refuge and resource by Claire Musters

I can relate on many levels to Claire Musters’ wonderful contribution to the “There’s No Place Like Home” series today – loo seats left up and mud on the floors for one! But more importantly the tension of being married to a pastor and how that can change your approach to home, such as wanting to be hospitable but also as introverts needing a place to feel safe and contained. I love her vulnerability, and trust you’ll be encouraged by what she shares.

Home.

For me, home was a regularly changing place during childhood. We moved every few years due to my dad’s job and it just became normal to up sticks and move towns and homes. Dad also loved a ‘do-er up-er’, and we joked that he would throw himself into transforming each home and, just as he finished it, it was time to put it on the market and move again.

Moving regularly opened us up to all sorts of opportunities. Dad’s job took us overseas and we too spent time living in Virginia. As an adult, I look back fondly on the memories I have of spending time living in and exploring a different country (and I loved reminiscing while reading Amy’s book!).

Even when my parents chose to stay put in one town once my sister and I started secondary school, we still had a second house move (and the inevitable DIY!). It was in that town that I met my now husband, at youth group. He followed me up to London when I went to university, and, after marrying at the end of my second year there, we set up home together.

With my husband, Steve.

Starting out together

I felt so proud hosting my first Christmas for my parents in our tiny little flat; even prouder when we moved into our first bought home together. I married another fantastic DIY-er, and we spend many a special moment painting and decorating that place together. I had a wonderful surprise one day when I awoke from a long, recovering sleep to discover he had already painted what would be my new home office!

I loved that ground-floor Wimbledon flat, so when my husband first felt the inkling of a call to move to Sutton to help start a new church I point blank refused, arguing with God that he couldn’t possibly ask me to do that. I had a million reasons why – and most of them surrounded our home and its location. As my husband at that time was a record producer, his hours were appalling. I’d built a nice supportive network around myself with a church and friends within walking distance. I didn’t want to leave that safety net.

But God taught me a lot in that time – about myself and about submitting to his leading. He was so gracious. I didn’t really like the look of the town we were to move to, but, when we started house hunting, we discovered a street that looked like it should be near the seaside; most of the houses were painted difficult colours and very cottagey in feel. I fell in love with our current house – and the move was on!

A long-term home

This has been the longest I’ve ever lived in the same place, and sometimes it scares me slightly that, now my husband is the pastor of our church, we could be here for a much longer time. I still get itchy feet now and then – although I do hate the disruption of moving.

We had bought a ‘do-er up-er’, and spent many happy months creating our perfect idyll. We have always loved hospitality, and were keen to see our newly acquired, more spacious home opened up and used for meals and church meetings.

If I’m honest, however, that dream has also had a cost – and I’m still learning a lot through that process even now, 15 years later.

I can remember when my husband had spent literally days laying a new wooden floor and varnishing it countless times. We then hosted Christmas and New Year for our families. Pre-children ourselves, I watched in horror as our nephew rode round and round on his new wooden bike and left dents all over the floor. And then one of our nieces weed all over the new rug we’d literally just put down before they arrived. I kept telling myself ‘these are only things, don’t be so selfish’, but all the while slightly heartbroken as our efforts to create a lovely home seemed to be unravelling. Of course, now we’ve had our own kids that does all seem rather naïve!

Loosening up

I remember, during the extended sickness I had throughout both my pregnancies, feeling frustrated and upset that I could no longer be the perfect hostess of the small group that met in our home. Opening the cupboard where the tea and coffee is kept was enough to send me rushing to the bathroom. But it actually made my friends more at home – they loved feeling like they could simply come in and help themselves and still do so today. Sometimes there is a part of me that fights that, but most of the time I love the fact they feel so free.

Once, someone spilled a drink on our wooden floor, and about three people immediately got up to run for kitchen towels and sponges. I laughed at them and made a comment, which I thought was tongue-in-cheek: ‘wow you must be scared of me!’. They admitted that, pre-kids, I had been kind of scary and they still had that automatic response when a spillage happened. That took me aback – but also made me more determined to lighten up further.

The log burner is the latest edition to our home – I love the homely feel it creates.

A place for many purposes

Since we became part of the small group who first started our current church, our house has hosted church meetings, small group meetings, prayer meetings, lunches etc. My husband also designed a soundproof log cabin at the bottom of our garden in the hopes that he could do more recording work at home. I think it was used for just one session – but it has hosted endless prayer meetings and worship team practises!

There are, of course, times when having our home open can be quite difficult. I remember when our daughter was a baby and she woke up with an exploding nappy during a prayer and worship meeting. I was a fraught first-time mum and just needed my husband’s help – but trying to get his attention discretely was a little difficult when he had his eyes shut and seemed deep in worshipful contemplation! And there were weeks when we simply wanted a night to ourselves, but the only opportunity for that fell on the same night that the worship team needed to come through to use the log cabin to practise. Okay, so they weren’t in our house, but they arrived, made drinks and were going to come back through it at some point to leave – that certainly makes you aware that you aren’t completely on your own on date night! 😉

To be honest, the hardest transition was when my husband became full-time lead pastor at our church. The church didn’t have a building at the time (we met in a school) so the church office had been located at our old pastor’s home. When he retired the office moved to our log cabin. To start with, we enjoyed a lovely rhythm: working from home in our own spaces (my office is upstairs in our house) and then breaking for lunch together – me chatting over any writing projects that I would value my husband’s input on and he sharing any church matters he’d appreciate the same from me.

Our log cabin at the bottom of the garden has been used for so many purposes.

That all changed when he took on another full-time member of staff. All of a sudden there was another person in our house regularly – there from first thing in the morning. While they are usually based in the log cabin, I now had two men traipsing mud in the house from the garden and leaving the toilet seat up (one of my pet hates!). I also began to miss our lunchtime catch ups…

I can get quite stressed about the mess our home gets in during the week with two working parents and two boisterous children in and out of it, so, I admit, I’ve found it hard to adjust to what has felt like an invasion at times, as people come in and out for meetings, or knock on the door for a chat with their pastor (but it is me who has to answer the door because I’m in earshot of the door bell). When I’m in the middle of a piece of writing those sorts of distractions are incredibly difficult to deal with, as I need quiet to write. I know that I’ve been less than gracious quite often and God, and my husband, have been good at pointing that out to me!

I still fight with the tension of wanting our home to be open to people, and wanting to shut the world away and create a safe space. As my children are pastor’s kids I’m now, more than ever, aware of wanting to protect them. I think that they have the privilege of having their eyes opened to all sorts of situations that perhaps they wouldn’t otherwise – but I am also fully aware that their daddy is often on 24-hour call. Don’t get me wrong: he is around a whole lot more than he would have been if he’d stayed in the music business. He is able to see them when they come home from school (while the church office is still based at home – he’s currently meeting with a builder at our wonderful new building to discuss the final phase of building work: the new church office 🙂 ). He is usually also there at mealtimes and bedtimes – all things I am hugely grateful for.

I love my own little seat of peace, which my husband put together beautifully. I get to sit and overlook the garden while I spend time with God after the kids have gone to school.

Home as a safe haven

I have had quite a bit of ill health, and some time in hospital, since the start of 2016. I have needed space and time to recover, and God has had me on a huge learning curve about slowing down and not needing to ‘do’ all the time. We have been massively blessed by our church family, who have provided so many meals, had our kids to play so I could sleep etc. But there have been times when I have just simply wanted to slob about in my PJs but not felt comfortable doing so when I know the church office, and therefore our home, is in use.

After a mis-communication this week, I got showered and dressed feeling particularly grumpy. I had asked my husband to relocate his meeting down to our church hall as I felt really unwell and didn’t want to have to get dressed. He had done the school run and, when I got up, I looked out of the window to see our car – and thought I heard voices. ‘Man, he’s decided it’s simplest just to meet here’ was what I said to myself with annoyance.

I went downstairs, got some breakfast and put on some trashy TV – I simply wanted to chill out. But I was completely on edge – I knew at some point they would come down to make drinks and use the bathroom and I didn’t want to be judged for being curled up watching such rubbish. So I ate quickly, turned the TV off and dragged myself upstairs to work. When my husband eventually appeared later I broached the subject of why he’d chosen to stay at our home – only to be told they’d been down at the church building and had only just arrived back! I did feel a little foolish – but it also illustrated to me how on edge I can still be at home.

Yes there is a tension between wanting my home just for my family and choosing to open it up so it can be a blessing to others. Sometimes it’s great fun to have lots of different people in and out of our home – it gives us such pleasure as we know that that is partly why God gave it to us – at other times it feels like a sacrifice. And, being honest, it is a bit of both – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Claire Musters is a freelance writer and editor, mum to two gorgeous children, pastor’s wife, worship leader and school governor. Claire’s desire is to help others draw closer to God through her writing, which focuses on discipleship, leadership, marriage, parenting, worship, issues facing women today etc. Her books include David: A man after God’s own heart, Taking your Spiritual Pulse, CWR’s Insight Guide: Managing Conflict and BRF Foundations21 study guides on Prayer and Jesus. She also writes a regular column for Christian Today as well as Bible study notes for BRF and CWR. Claire is currently standing in as editor for Families First magazine as well as co-writing the next CWR Insight Guide: Self-acceptance and working on her own book Taking off the mask. To find out more about her, please visit www.clairemusters.com and @CMusters on Twitter.

March 11, 2016