Why I haven’t shared about being a spiritual director

Over the past four years, I’ve added a moniker to my biography – “spiritual director,” an old-fashioned term for someone who accompanies another on their journey with God. I’ve noticed recently that I don’t share about this work much. As I’ve pondered why, I’ve realized that the main reason is that my role feels hidden and precious. When people share deep and tender offerings during our sessions, I promise to hold their thoughts and feelings in confidence.* I also don’t name those with whom I meet to my family or friends, nor state on social media that I might know someone in this context. My guarding of their stories has seemed to seep into me not talking about being a spiritual director at all.

Perhaps I’m extra careful about confidentiality because as a writer, I could be tempted to mine the stories I hear. In my introduction letter that I send to people enquiring about working together (although I’m currently fully booked), I state something that should go without saying but I feel needs to be spelled out:

I promise never to write up anything that you talk about during our sessions. God is a God of abundance and for my writing I can find plenty of already-published stories to share.

We don’t have to hold an official role as a spiritual director to prize confidentiality, of course. When a friend or family member shares vulnerably with us, we can treat that confidence as a wrapped gift, one meant to be opened only between them and us. And God can help us to keep our mouths closed, nudging us through the Holy Spirit when we’re tempted to share someone else’s problems or concerns under the banner of intercession or “keeping the body informed.” God is a God of respect and honor, and, being made in his image, we too can exude these qualities.

How important is confidentiality to you?

* I only would share in certain safeguarding situations. Also, when I meet for peer-group supervision or with my own spiritual director, I might give generalized details as I reflect upon the work and how it’s affecting me and my life with God.