Forgiveness Fridays: Bullying, a necklace and a story of forgiveness

I recently came across a moving story of forgiveness, which I share below. The woman writing it needs to remain anonymous, but I can vouch for her integrity and love. She shows that forgiveness is freeing.

Wisdom and forgiveness are like a “a garland of grace on your head, and a pendant around your neck.” Proverbs 1:9

To say that you forgive a person for doing wrong to you is easier said than done. You can say those words “I forgive you,” but can you honestly say in your heart that you really do forgive that person? Or as Corrie Ten Boom says, “Sometimes people forgive like they are burying the hatchet but keep the handle uncovered in case they need to use it again.” But this only prolongs the conflict.

I have been through a tough time. Only a handful of people know and have been praying for me. It started in March 2017 and I didn’t see an end to it. You see, I was bullied. Most people think this only happens in the playground but, in my fifties I’m ashamed to say I was bullied by a woman a few years older than myself. The reason for the bullying, it seems, was because I was good at my job. Crazy but true.

Going back to before I became a Christian, my values were different. If someone upset me, I could stand up for myself, and believe me, I did. My husband once said that I could “rip someone’s throat out at 50 paces” – something I am not proud of. But Jesus changed me. I accepted him into my life and the change in me was so real, so amazing, that even my sister said, “It’s like you have been taken over by aliens” and my husband said I had a glow “like the Readybrek advert.” I was a changed person, not in a small way but in a huge way and it was all thanks to God.

However, over the years, I struggled and still do. The reason I struggled is that when people are cruel to me or upset me, instead of dealing with it in the way I should, I accepted their behaviour towards me. I almost allowed them to say or do what they wanted because I didn’t know how I should react. So instead of responding, I said nothing. You see, I didn’t know what response was acceptable as a Christian and what wasn’t. So I let people walk over me and hurt me. I realise now that the change had to come from me but I didn’t know how to do that. I couldn’t do it in my own strength.

The story of Corrie ten Boom has been told countless times through the years. Yet, even today, it remains one of the most beloved stories of forgiveness this world has ever known. During World War II, she and her family saved Jews from being sent off to concentration camps by hiding them in a room at the top of their home. When Nazi officers learned what was going on, the house was raided and Corrie was sent to a prison, a political concentration camp, and finally a death camp. But, miraculously, she survived. As you can imagine, there were many moments of hardship that Corrie had to overcome even after the war ended.

One such moment was at a church where she saw a former SS man who guarded her in the concentration camp. As the man approached her to shake her hand, everything in her reminded her of the horrid pain this man had brought upon her. And even though Corrie often spoke of the need to forgive others, she knew she couldn’t forgive this man in her own strength. God had to do it through her.

Corrie writes, “When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.” God gave Corrie the strength to forgive and love the man when she could not.

Perhaps you’ve never had to deal with such heavy forgiveness in your life as Corrie ten Boom has, but there are many times in life when we will have to both forgive and be forgiven. Here are four things to keep in mind when you forgive someone.

• Realize everyone has to be forgiven. It will save you a lot of trouble to understand early on that we all will make mistakes and need forgiveness at some point.
• Forgiveness isn’t earned. Grace is undeserved favour that no one can earn. Therefore, forgiveness should be given with no expectations in return and no strings attached.
• Don’t bring it up again. Sometimes people forgive like they’re burying the hatchet but keeping the handle uncovered in case they need to use it again.
• Make the decision and your heart will catch up. If you wait to feel ready to forgive, it’s never going to happen. Rather, you must make the decision to forgive and soon enough your heart will catch up.

I believe that in recently I’ve truly understand forgiveness for the first time. I can honestly say that through the teachings of Corrie Ten Boom, I can wholeheartedly forgive the person who has bullied me, and I pray that God will change that person’s heart and make her a better person. I pray that He will replace the bullying attitude within her and give her a spirit of kindness and humility and that she will now begin to treat people the way they should be treated. I pray that whatever has caused this bitterness within her will be revealed to her so that she can deal with it and have peace in her heart.

Recently I received an amount of compensation for what I went through. For me it wasn’t about the money. It was about truth and justice, and that no one else should ever experience what I went through. From some of the money, I purchased a necklace. It felt a bit extravagant, but when I wear this necklace, I will remember that I stood up to the bully, that justice was done and forgiveness was given. Corrie Ten Boom went through an awful lot more than I did and found the strength to forgive through Jesus, so if Corrie can go through all of that and forgive, then I can too.

So, do I feel good that the outcome is compensation paid into my bank account? No I do not. But I wear this necklace as a symbol that justice was done, and I thank God that through the teachings of Corrie Ten Boom, forgiveness has been given. Now I will take time to recover and allow Jesus to heal me so that I can move forward and not look back.

Amy’s book The Living Cross explores forgiveness through a series of daily Bible readings for Lent. You can find out more about it, and how to purchase, here.